My husband is in Ethiopia this week. He is there on a planning trip to set up a missions trip for February. If you would like to read about his travels, please check out his blog www.marchingoutministries.blogspot.com
On the home front, things have been extremely difficult with M (13). It's been a long week with out Dad and Mom is feeling totally exhausted. Please continue to pray for our family and for M's adjustment. I really expected this kind of stuff right off the bat, I never dreamed it would come at the 6th month home mark. I don't know if it's because she is comfortable enough with us now to let it all out or because she has finally realized the permanency of this situation, what ever the case, she one angry kid and it's all directed at me and our oldest daughter Se (16).
I keep praying that this too shall pass...
Beth ~
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
A family picture and some recent thoughts
Yes, in case you were wondering, we are still alive and kickin! We are at the 6 month home mark with the girls. The last month has probably been the hardest, adjustment wise. It’s been one of those months where I figured if I couldn’t say something nice, I shouldn't say anything at all, so I have remained silent. M (13) is still struggling to find her place. When I can remove myself from her grumpiness long enough, I can totally understand her behavior and why she acts the way she does but often times I find it hard to stop taking it personally long enough to think about the psychology of things. The majority of our issues revolve around fairness and her perception of how each person is being treated and how many things each person has. She has kept a running tally from the moment she came into our house of everything that has been said done or purchased for each child and has equated our love by this. She can’t seem to understand that we are a single income family feeding and clothing 11 people on a very limited budget. We have tried to convey to her that we can only buy things we need, not everything we want and that “things” are not the most important part of life. What matters is that she has a family that loves her and accepts her unconditionally. It’s hard for us to comprehend how a child can go from 0-60 on the material scale and still be found wanting everything in sight, but this is after all America we live in and I guess it’s no wonder. There is also still ongoing conflict between Se( 16) and M. The battle for top dog wages on. M gives the term sibling rivalry whole new meaning. It may be hard to believe we would have any trouble with her by seeing her picture above (she is in the front row), because when she is happy, she is radiant. But like any other teenager, she has mood swings, unfortunately hers are compounded by the fact that she is finding her way in a new family and new country with a new language.
I don’t mean to sound negative or down on M, we love her dearly... but she is a wounded child and it can take months or even years to build a trusting relationship. I know things could be way worse than what they are I hesitated mentioning any of this on a public blog because someday I want to be able to share this with the girls and I don’t want to embarrass them in any way. On the other hand, perspective adoptive parents of older kids should know that this is hard work. It isn’t all roses and sunshine every day. Each day I wake up with a prayer on my lips, giving our children to God and seeking His wisdom and direction. More days than not, I end the day feeling like total failure. I long for a peaceful household, maybe that is a crazy dream for a mom of 9 children. Hopefully I will be able to look back on all of this a year from now and barely remember the growing pains that we are going through. I know spiritually speaking, for me, growth always brings a measure of pain. Well, maybe not the growth as much as the pruning that God does before he allows growth. I just keep trying to remind myself that the fruit of all this will be well worth the pain and I pray that it will be for M as well.
Over the last several years, I have been gravely convicted that although we long to have children and we personally have gone through many trials to have them, it often isn’t long before we find ourselves getting frustrated with them. I have witnessed moms, who I know for a fact love their children, talk about them and refer to them as if they were a burden. It’s heartbreaking that once children start to interfere with our agendas and our ambitions, they somehow lose value.
I read a book recently that really impressed this on me even more and has brought about a paradigm shift in my thinking. A paradigm shift is a change from one way of thinking to another, a revolution, a transformation… a metamorphosis. I think the majority of us do not give our children the dignity and respect they deserve. The book was Too Small to Ignore by Dr. Wess Stafford, the President of Compassion international. I found it to be an excellent and convicting read. Dr Stafford shares a lot of compelling stories that relate his childhood growing up in Africa as a missionary kid to how children are raised here in America today. He really hits the nail on the head when speaking of the value of children and our future, if we don’t wake up soon and make some changes. He talks about how when a child is born, all heaven rejoices and breaks into shouts of praise. He describes each child as being “born into the world loved and full of potential to bring joy to the heart of God. A little flame flickers deep within the child’s being it reflects a dignity and worth made in the image of a God almighty. Meanwhile Satan and his evil hosts stand ready to pounce and destroy that life as quickly and completely as possible, knowing how that will break the heart of God.”
I was so taken back by this; I guess I never took seriously the spiritual battle that rages over our children. I read that and had to think, how many times today did I become irritated and angry by the children’s interruptions in my agenda? How many times did I convey to them their worth? How many times did I remind them that they were created in the image of God? It makes me think of that little song, this little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine. Are we letting our children shine? Or are we letting Satan puff them out?
In the book, Dr Stafford describes the abuse he endured as a child in the hand of the staff at a mission school. It really had me thinking and wondering…How do these wounded children survive the attack of Satan and grow up to be healthy, productive adults who break the cycle of abuse and pain. I think of this when I look at M, we don’t really know all that she has endured, but she has obviously felt rejection and pain. She has a heart that has been wounded and she is grieving the loss of all that she has ever known. When I look at the stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, depression and acceptance, I recognize her going through these stages. I look back at the pictures of when we first got home and I can see that look of shock and fear on her face. I can pinpoint times when she has seemed to be in denial and right now I honestly think she is in the anger phase. I even told her the other day that she never seems happy lately unless she is provoking someone to fight with her. I get frustrated by my own angry, self preserving, defensive reaction to this and I feel truly humbled that God would give a sinner such as me such a huge responsibility. I can only pray that he will continue to give J and I both the strength and wisdom we need to see us through the next two phases with M.
I recently also read a book called Reckless Faith by Beth Gukenburger who is a missionary with her husband in Mexico ministering to orphans. (Also an excellent read!) I really think she was right on when talking about how children who are deeply wounded overcome the pain of their pasts and move into that acceptance phase of grief. She brings out how in Joel (1:4) it talks about the locusts “After the cutting locusts finished eating the crops, the swarming locusts took what was left! After them came the hopping locusts, and then the stripping locusts, too!”
she tells how she sat down with their twin daughters who they adopted at 15 yrs old and shared with them that the locusts of their lives were things like abuse, neglect and lies but the book of Joel goes on to say in 2:13 “ Don't tear your clothing in your grief; instead, tear your hearts." Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and merciful. He is not easily angered. He is filled with kindness and is eager not to punish you.” The key is returning to God. When I read that, I thought boy do I fall short of measuring up to God ‘He is not easily angered. He is filled with kindness and is eager not to punish you.’ I’m not saying I’m eager to punish her but I sure struggle with being quick to anger!
She goes on to say the “locust repellent” for these wounded kids are phrases like: “You are valuable, you are special, you have a destiny, you count, you are gifted, you were created for a purpose and God has a plan for your life.”
As we convey these truths to M, we pray that she will begin to believe them and that she will not only move past this anger phase of grief but wiz through the depression phase and settle into the acceptance phase filled with the knowledge that she is special, and that we really do love her (even if we can’t buy her everything she wants) and most of all- that God does have a plan in all of this. He doesn’t make mistakes, His plans are perfect.
If you are reading this, please continue to pray for our family. We really appreciate every prayer that goes up on our behalf!!
In the book, Dr Stafford describes the abuse he endured as a child in the hand of the staff at a mission school. It really had me thinking and wondering…How do these wounded children survive the attack of Satan and grow up to be healthy, productive adults who break the cycle of abuse and pain. I think of this when I look at M, we don’t really know all that she has endured, but she has obviously felt rejection and pain. She has a heart that has been wounded and she is grieving the loss of all that she has ever known. When I look at the stages of grief: shock, denial, anger, depression and acceptance, I recognize her going through these stages. I look back at the pictures of when we first got home and I can see that look of shock and fear on her face. I can pinpoint times when she has seemed to be in denial and right now I honestly think she is in the anger phase. I even told her the other day that she never seems happy lately unless she is provoking someone to fight with her. I get frustrated by my own angry, self preserving, defensive reaction to this and I feel truly humbled that God would give a sinner such as me such a huge responsibility. I can only pray that he will continue to give J and I both the strength and wisdom we need to see us through the next two phases with M.
I recently also read a book called Reckless Faith by Beth Gukenburger who is a missionary with her husband in Mexico ministering to orphans. (Also an excellent read!) I really think she was right on when talking about how children who are deeply wounded overcome the pain of their pasts and move into that acceptance phase of grief. She brings out how in Joel (1:4) it talks about the locusts “After the cutting locusts finished eating the crops, the swarming locusts took what was left! After them came the hopping locusts, and then the stripping locusts, too!”
she tells how she sat down with their twin daughters who they adopted at 15 yrs old and shared with them that the locusts of their lives were things like abuse, neglect and lies but the book of Joel goes on to say in 2:13 “ Don't tear your clothing in your grief; instead, tear your hearts." Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and merciful. He is not easily angered. He is filled with kindness and is eager not to punish you.” The key is returning to God. When I read that, I thought boy do I fall short of measuring up to God ‘He is not easily angered. He is filled with kindness and is eager not to punish you.’ I’m not saying I’m eager to punish her but I sure struggle with being quick to anger!
She goes on to say the “locust repellent” for these wounded kids are phrases like: “You are valuable, you are special, you have a destiny, you count, you are gifted, you were created for a purpose and God has a plan for your life.”
As we convey these truths to M, we pray that she will begin to believe them and that she will not only move past this anger phase of grief but wiz through the depression phase and settle into the acceptance phase filled with the knowledge that she is special, and that we really do love her (even if we can’t buy her everything she wants) and most of all- that God does have a plan in all of this. He doesn’t make mistakes, His plans are perfect.
If you are reading this, please continue to pray for our family. We really appreciate every prayer that goes up on our behalf!!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
More pictures..
Just some more pictures of flowers and hairstyles.
M (13)
M and K (almost 2)- M loves K so much, she is such a huge help to me!!
L (almost 6) with M
M (13)M and K (almost 2)- M loves K so much, she is such a huge help to me!!A (10) with her dolls.
M (3) She is such a cutie pie! The flash makes her look really bald between her braids, it really doesn't look that way in person.
M (3) She is such a cutie pie! The flash makes her look really bald between her braids, it really doesn't look that way in person.
And.. last but not least, this is M (7) looking handsome in his first pair of glasses.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Hair, hair and more hair...
As you can tell by looking at our photos, we have good hair days and BAD ones! I am a hair dresser by profession but had never really worked with black hair, so the girls have been my guinea pigs. It took a while to get the hang of braiding but now I think I can do it pretty good and I am enjoying experimenting with lots of different styles. M(13) and A (10) can both braid beautifully and Se (16) has also learned to braid well. We joke about opening a salon just for braiding.
Every Saturday afternoon the girls wash their hair and I braid it. A few months ago we relaxed M (13) and A (10) hair so now M likes to wear her hair down a lot. It looks good for the first day but then every day after that I am after her to do something with her hair, otherwise it's standing straight up 4 inches off the top of her head and she looks like she stuck her finger in a light socket. We usually braid M(3) hair on Sunday morning because her hair is short and doesn't stay in well while she is sleeping. The older girls hair will stay looking nice for the whole week (especially if they wrap it in a silk head scarf) but M(3) usually gets several styles a week. She is very good about sitting still and always looks as cute as a button!
This one was done by Se.
M (3) and A (10)
More of A
M (13) looking cool in her shades.
This is right after it was done, it looks like some pieces are straight but they curled up after it dried giving her a much looser look with more defined curls than before it was relaxed.
Every Saturday afternoon the girls wash their hair and I braid it. A few months ago we relaxed M (13) and A (10) hair so now M likes to wear her hair down a lot. It looks good for the first day but then every day after that I am after her to do something with her hair, otherwise it's standing straight up 4 inches off the top of her head and she looks like she stuck her finger in a light socket. We usually braid M(3) hair on Sunday morning because her hair is short and doesn't stay in well while she is sleeping. The older girls hair will stay looking nice for the whole week (especially if they wrap it in a silk head scarf) but M(3) usually gets several styles a week. She is very good about sitting still and always looks as cute as a button!
Here are some pictures of their latest looks (or should I say locks).
M (3)
This one was done by Se.M (3) and A (10) More of AM (13) looking cool in her shades.
We took before and after pictures of a lock of M and A's hair when we relaxed it. I had never used a relaxer before and was very nervous about doing it. I didn't want them to have straight hair, I just wanted it easier to manage. We used a kit from Walmart and I was very pleased with the results.
M (13) before...
And After...
And After...
A's hair is extreemly curly as you can see by the picture. It's nice to be able to get a brush through it and it makes braiding so much easier!
A before...
A after...
A after...This is A with her hair down and only the top braided.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Pictures of spring
Just thought I would share with you what spring looks like here on the farm. As you can see by these pictures of flowers and spring garden plants, Se (16) is quite the photographer.
She also took all of the animal pictures. We have lots of baby animals right now including piglets, lambs and chicks. Thankfully, our Ethiopian girls have gotten over their fear of animals and they are enjoying life in the country.
Se's baby, Rascal Flatts
Se's baby, Rascal Flatts
Three little girls picking corn off a cob so that they can feed the piglets.
This is the little guy who A (10) named Pistachio.
This is Se's favorite bunny named Moochie.
This is Wesley the lamb.
B (age 4) our little farm boy.
M (3) and K (almost 2)- best buddies.
The other day J and Sj (11) gave the girls their first ride in a canoe on our pond. M (13) was scared half to death (you can tell by her posture), but once she got in, she enjoyed it. She has no desire to ever go swimming in the pond once she saw how huge the fish are. She is deathly afraid that they will bite her. For now, we are glad the girls have a healthy fear of the pond.
This was A's (10) canoe ride. Out of the two older girls, She tends to be the brave one, but getting in the boat was a stretch for her.
Here is a picture of A with her first big catch (a catfish). She was excited that she caught it but thoroughly disgusted by being that close to a fish. She was relieved when it got thrown back in the pond and the threat of eating it for dinner was gone!
This is the little guy who A (10) named Pistachio.This is Se's favorite bunny named Moochie.
This is Wesley the lamb.
B (age 4) our little farm boy.
M (3) and K (almost 2)- best buddies.The other day J and Sj (11) gave the girls their first ride in a canoe on our pond. M (13) was scared half to death (you can tell by her posture), but once she got in, she enjoyed it. She has no desire to ever go swimming in the pond once she saw how huge the fish are. She is deathly afraid that they will bite her. For now, we are glad the girls have a healthy fear of the pond.This was A's (10) canoe ride. Out of the two older girls, She tends to be the brave one, but getting in the boat was a stretch for her.Here is a picture of A with her first big catch (a catfish). She was excited that she caught it but thoroughly disgusted by being that close to a fish. She was relieved when it got thrown back in the pond and the threat of eating it for dinner was gone!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Easter pictures
I haven't posted any pictures in the last month because we have been having problems with my camera and this computer but now we have it figured out so here are a bunch of Pictures from Easter.
These are of the kids coloring Easter eggs. This was an entirely new concept for the girls but they caught on quickly.
This is a picture was taken on Easter morning. It was freezing cold outside but Daddy had them all run outside so he could take a picture. The results were pretty funny!
This is a picture was taken on Easter morning. It was freezing cold outside but Daddy had them all run outside so he could take a picture. The results were pretty funny!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Month four funnies
We have been home with the girls for almost four months now. We are amazed at how many things they have learned and by how many things they still need to learn. Grasping things that are abstract is very difficult for them. For example, phrases we use flippantly like "it's pouring cats and dogs" really throw them for a loop. Animation is another thing that they just can't seem to grasp. We have spent countless hours talking about whether a character in a movie is real, animated or digitally enhanced. We have shown them video clips on how animated movies are made but they still can't comprehend it, it's just too abstract. When we first came home, we tried to introduce them to movies gently, we showed them movies like babe and homeward bound. Looking back on this, we probably terrified the poor children!
Speaking of being terrified, the other night A (10) walked into the bathroom just in time to witness Se taking out her contacts. The poor child ran out into the loft and fell to the floor screaming. It took a good 20 minutes to assure her that Se wasn't actually ripping part of her eye out. We run into things like this almost daily. Explaining things like water having depths over their heads and the breadth and depth of the ocean is almost more than they can comprehend. We can't wait to take them to the ocean someday!
Sometimes I get sad when I think of all the things we have missed with them but then I am reminded of all the "firsts" we have experienced in the last four months. The girls are amazingly resilient. They have come half way across the world to live in a strange land with STRANGE people and they have done it with out question or fear. They are three of the bravest people we know!
I have tried very hard while writing this blog not to embarrass the girls in any way because someday they might want to read this but this was just too funny!
M 13 is so incredibly innocent for a child her age. We have had to have a couple of talks about where babies come from and things of that nature... Well the other night she asked if boy and girl animals got together the same way people do to make a baby and when we explained to her that they did, she literally fell on the floor laughing. How refreshing innocence is in this day and age!
The girls language acquisition has come along tremendously but now we hear our homemade 4 year old saying things like "me want more- this one" and "watzzzz diz?" Tonight at the dinner table A (10) was entertaining us, as usual and she was trying to see if M(3) could remember walitania, the language that was spoken at the orphanage. After a few minutes of speaking it and watching M's blank stare she blurts out " oh no, I think we've lost her!" We all died laughing!
(opps, "died laughing" is another one of those phrases we can't say!)
The farm animals continue to be another source of entertainment, we now have chickens named Wafflie, Pancake and Syrup, and pigs named Pistachio and Captain Jack Sparrow (no, we did not let them watch pirates of the Caribbean!). Oh, and I can't forget Wesley and Buttercup the sheep.
Life is never boring!
Speaking of being terrified, the other night A (10) walked into the bathroom just in time to witness Se taking out her contacts. The poor child ran out into the loft and fell to the floor screaming. It took a good 20 minutes to assure her that Se wasn't actually ripping part of her eye out. We run into things like this almost daily. Explaining things like water having depths over their heads and the breadth and depth of the ocean is almost more than they can comprehend. We can't wait to take them to the ocean someday!
Sometimes I get sad when I think of all the things we have missed with them but then I am reminded of all the "firsts" we have experienced in the last four months. The girls are amazingly resilient. They have come half way across the world to live in a strange land with STRANGE people and they have done it with out question or fear. They are three of the bravest people we know!
I have tried very hard while writing this blog not to embarrass the girls in any way because someday they might want to read this but this was just too funny!
M 13 is so incredibly innocent for a child her age. We have had to have a couple of talks about where babies come from and things of that nature... Well the other night she asked if boy and girl animals got together the same way people do to make a baby and when we explained to her that they did, she literally fell on the floor laughing. How refreshing innocence is in this day and age!
The girls language acquisition has come along tremendously but now we hear our homemade 4 year old saying things like "me want more- this one" and "watzzzz diz?" Tonight at the dinner table A (10) was entertaining us, as usual and she was trying to see if M(3) could remember walitania, the language that was spoken at the orphanage. After a few minutes of speaking it and watching M's blank stare she blurts out " oh no, I think we've lost her!" We all died laughing!
(opps, "died laughing" is another one of those phrases we can't say!)
The farm animals continue to be another source of entertainment, we now have chickens named Wafflie, Pancake and Syrup, and pigs named Pistachio and Captain Jack Sparrow (no, we did not let them watch pirates of the Caribbean!). Oh, and I can't forget Wesley and Buttercup the sheep.
Life is never boring!
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